It’s Not Happening

Turkey’s Department of Religious Affairs has directed scholars to revise the Hadith, which is the secondary text of Islam. No doubt this will provoke a massive schism, like the Reformation with 21st-century weapons, but that could be what it takes to seriously marginalize the Taliban-esque elements of Islam. I doubt we’ll see this resolved any time soon, but maybe Saudi women will be permitted to travel alone in another generation or two. It sucks to call that progress, but that’s what it is.

Thanks to Therese for the tip!

Mine, too, most likely:

This is the kind of science-fiction-hold-the-fiction I can seriously get behind. Yes, I know, proof of concept, years away from approval much less market availability, blah blah blah, but come on – I want to be a cyborg. (Oh yeah, also: mind control, surveillance society, creeping commoditization of the body, techodespair, spectacle, I get it, I really do. We understand each other.)

Paul gave me three Xmas scratch-off tickets to redeem for $1 each because he’s too snooty to frequent convenience stores any more – but thanks! He didn’t ask for anything in return, but my wallet was too full of money, so I threw bills at him and we both walked away happy. You should hang out with me more – sometimes my wallet needs draining.

Anyway, I forgot about them until this morning, when I woke up from a dream in which I scratched a ticket and won $25,000. That seemed to fit the definition of auspicious, so I hustled Paul’s winnings over to the 7-11 and turned them into a fresh ticket. I furtively scratched it on the way to work at Liberty this afternoon – furtively because everyone knows that lotteries are a tax on people who are bad at math and I can’t go through life with people thinking that about me.

It turns out that, like most lottery tickets, this one was worthless, which was mildly disappointing and also a huge relief. Had I actually won something untrivial – especially had I actually won $25K – then I’d have to wonder if the rules had changed, and who wants to be pestered with thoughts like that? “So now I’m the guy who dreams about lottery numbers?” Awesome. Things could not be triter. In any case, dreams are for entertainment purposes only.

(That header would make a great bumper sticker, or maybe a band name?)

Check out the Washington state primary results – the ones that don’t matter, at least as far as the good guys are concerned. Sure, I’m pleased that Obama finished ahead of Clinton by ~2.5%, but if the situation were reversed, or even if the margin were 10x higher in either direction, it still wouldn’t matter in any real way. Not even in a symbolic way, despite what idiots on television might tell you.

But, but but: Check out the aggregate numbers for total votes cast. Just about 1/3 more Ds than Rs in a primary that only matters to the Rs! Sure, we live in a blue state, but it’s nowhere near that blue. If I were John McCain, I wouldn’t quit my day job.

ECB says: “I saw you on the teevee tonight! I couldn’t really make out what you were saying (I was at the gym) but you looked very determined in the face of meaninglessness.”

While I do very much love that last phrase, I’d still give almost anything for it not to have been provoked. You see, I was the first person voting at my polling place (I know, I know, doesn’t count, but see below) at 12:30 and Mr. KOMO bullied me into a half-assed interview that went something like this:

Mr. KOMO: Why do you think you’re the first person here at 12:30?

Cranky Liberal: Well, the vote is purely symbolic…

Mr. KOMO: …for Democrats, that is!

Cranky Liberal: Er, yes, of course…[looks thoughtful]

Mr. KOMO: So why did you vote, if it’s purely symbolic?

Cranky Liberal: Because symbols are important, on some level. They send a message.

Mr. KOMO: Who are you sending a message to?

Cranky Liberal: I have no idea.

Gosh, I sure hope they didn’t make me look stupid. Never, never, never talk to TV reporters on camera. Never. Never!