I know that this is Stone-Age blog humor, but please do check out these search terms that landed people here:
Is this who I am? Is this who you are?
So I got my new phone the other day and also got the same mental disorder all new smart-phone users get, constantly playing and showing off and whatnot. I do at least have the good sense to be deeply ashamed of that disorder, so it may well be that by the time you see me in person, I’ll keep it in my pants.
BUT! It failed an extremely important test: I was noodling around with the voice search feature, which is pretty great, but, like all current speech-to-text operations, has a ways to go still. I decided to see if it would help in the event of a zombie outbreak, so I opened up voice search and screamed “GET THE ZOMBIES OFF OF ME!” All I got back was a page of results for perhaps the best album name idea of all time: “Things to do you love me.” Jessie suggested that maybe I should just try “zombie,” and we were richly rewarded with a page of results for “dog pee.” Cue raucous laughter, cut to commercial.
(Oh, for god’s sake, I can’t leave it like this, funny as it was: The voice features, and most of the others I’ve played with, are awesome and work like I want them to. No regrets.)
The voice of the “reasonable” Republican party: against puppies. So best.
While pondering what it actually means to be a king*, “owner of a nation” came to mind immediately, but that seemed too informed by capitalism, which essentially supplanted monarchy even as it props it up all over the place. Then I got all excited by inverting the idea and wondering if pro-business conservatives (meaning the rank and file, not those whose political campaigns are funded by megacorps) see (on a deep level, not so much consciously) CEOs as kings with divine right granted by shareholders. This seems to explain the outrage when government (or activists) call on CEOs to step down or change their behavior. Those conservatives who honestly believe that government intervention in business is always and everywhere a bad thing may just be constructing an ad hoc system to prop up their own monarchy. Or maybe the metaphor police need to lock me up.
* I know, I suck.
You said it, sister